


Sexy Conner and the Seven Zords

by NeoVenus22



Category: Power Rangers Dino Thunder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Fairy Tales, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-09
Updated: 2010-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-06 01:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young man named Conner makes some new woodland friends as he seeks to take back the throne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy Conner and the Seven Zords

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [GoldiTrent and the Three Rangers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/48273) by [NeoVenus22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22). 



Conner McKnight's Fractured Fairy Tale Theatre presents:  
**Sexy Conner and the Seven Zords**

 

Right. So once upon a time, there was a kingdom and this really talented, smart, good-looking, funny, athletic—

_"Dude, I don't have all day."_

—generally all-around wonderful guy was about to inherit the kingdom and stuff. Everyone called him Sexy Conner because he was sexy as hell and also because his name was Conner. BUT then one day this evil witch... wizard... whatever dude came in, and was all, 'no way, I'm much cooler than Sexy Conner any day of the week and _I'm_ going to inherit the kingdom' even though the Evil Wizard-Whatever looked sort of like a monkey. So the Evil Wizard-Whatever went to his faithful servant, the scary old science teacher guy Mercer and was all, 'take him into the woods and bore him to death' because the faithful servant was pretty boring.

So Mercer took Sexy Conner into the forest and was all set to bore him to death, but he remembered that he was older than the little monkey-looking guy and he didn't have to take orders from the Evil Wizard-Whatever. So he let Sexy Conner go, but he made him promise that he wouldn't go back to the castle for a little while, because ugly might be contagious.

Sexy Conner, of course, about to inherit the kingdom, didn't want to take orders from Mercer, but he figured that if he didn't, Mercer would start listing all the reasons why going back to the castle was bad, and he would bore Conner to death. So Sexy Conner told Mercer that he wouldn't go back, and the two parted ways, Conner figuring he'd just hang out in the woods for awhile until Mercer forgot about him. But he got bored sitting there and started wandering around, and then the next thing you knew, our intrepid hero got lost because seriously, dude, all trees frigging look the same.

He was getting annoyed because he'd been planning on watching this 'Best of World Cup Soccer' special that afternoon on ESPN, but now that was so not happening... until he came upon a little house out in the middle of nowhere. Sexy Conner just barged right in, figuring that they had a TV, and that they wouldn't mind if he came in, because after all, he was going to inherit the kingdom.

But no one was home. That was cool, though, because they did get ESPN, even way out here in the middle of the woods, so Sexy Conner opened up some Doritos and got comfy. When the special was over, he still hadn't met the owners of the house, and he decided to look for them. After all, they needed to know that Sexy Conner had graced their living room for an afternoon, and also that their reception was kind of crappy, but that was what you got for living out in the middle of the frigging woods.

Sexy Conner heard noises coming from the basement, so he decided to go down and check. He was glad he did, because what he saw was the weirdest thing ever: seven big lizardy things, dinosaurs, but made out of living metal, were prowling around the basement, humming a cheesy tune about whistling while you worked or some crap like that. "Yo!" called out Sexy Conner, and all the big lizardy things looked up, surprised to see the stranger, and when recognizing him as the One Who Would Inherit the Kingdom, were expecting some sort of big dramatic speech. "You're out of chips."

And he started to leave, but then they were all, 'come down here and we'll introduce ourselves and blah, blah, blah,' so Conner did, because it wasn't like he had anything better to do anyway. So it turns out they were the Seven Zords: Chompy, Pointy, Screechy, Spiky, Spinny, Punchy, and... erm... Big-Ass.

They lived in the kingdom that Conner was about to inherit, and— well, no one really cares, because this story isn't about them. Anyway, Conner asked if they knew how to get back to the castle, and being Zords, and therefore directionally-challenged, they had no idea. So Conner asked if he could hang out there for awhile, and the Zords said sure, but they had to go do important world-saving stuff, and Conner asked if while they were out there, would they fix the antennae because their reception wasn't very good.

Anyway, back at the castle, the Evil Wizard-Whatever found out that Mercer hadn't actually bored Sexy Conner to death. He was really pissed, but Mercer was all, 'whatever, I'm not going to take orders from you' and he grew a pair and left the story. So the Evil Wizard-Whatever decided to take matters into his own hands. He made himself look even uglier than he did usually even though you really wouldn't think that was possible, and he pretended to be an old dude or whatever, and he went out to the little house in the woods where Conner was currently chilling. He knocked on the door and Conner figured it was the Avon lady or a Jehovah's Witness or something, and didn't answer. Besides, it wasn't even his house, so what was he doing getting the door, anyway?

But the Evil Wizard-Whatever was, you know, evil. So he went around to the window and stuck his head in and basically he bored Sexy Conner into a coma. Then he went off, laughing, because now HE was going to get the kingdom, even though it wouldn't make him look any better.

The Zords came back then from their world-saving thing, and saw Sexy Conner passed out on the floor. "Oh no!" said Spinny, or maybe it was Punchy, who the hell knows. "He's been bored into a coma!"

"This must be the work of the Evil Wizard-Whatever!" said Chompy, who was the coolest, smartest, and awesomest-looking of the Zords. "The only way we can save him is to get a hottie traveling princess to come and wake him up!"

"How are we going to do that?" asked a different Zord, maybe it was Big-Ass.

But just then, a hottie came up to the open window and asked for directions. The Zords still didn't know where the hell anything was, but they figured that this traveling hottie must indeed be the traveling hottie princess they were looking for, so Pointy asked, "Hey, do you wanna come in here and wake up this Sexy Conner guy, princess?"

And the hottie was all, "Don't ever call me princess again, or I'll—" and here she made a threat that really isn't appropriate for younger audiences.

Screechy, who was wearing a pretty yellow color like the traveling hottie, decided maybe they could connect, and explained that they thought she _was_ a traveling princess, until the hottie explained that she was a minstrel, and would they like to hear a song?

"Uh, not right now," said Spiky. "Maybe after you wake up Sexy Conner?"

The traveling hottie minstrel took one look at Sexy Conner and decided that if he was that drop-dead gorgeous when he was bored into a coma, then he would be super-hot when he was awake, and she agreed. She climbed in through the window and leaned over and kissed Sexy Conner, and it was pretty hot. But even better— the One Who Would Inherit the Kingdom woke up! And he said, "Hey, babe, wanna inherit the kingdom with me?" And she said that if he ever called her babe again, she would do something to him that was again unable to be repeated in mixed company, and Punchy said, "Maybe we should've warned him about that."

But the traveling hottie minstrel said that sure, she would inherit the kingdom with Sexy Conner, and they lived happily ever after. Oh, I guess that the Evil Wizard-Whatever was talking to a mirror or something like that, and I think maybe it made him crazy and he died. The end.

* * *

"That was the most incoherent string of words I've ever heard."

"Shut up, dude."

"No, seriously, you need some therapy or something. In a major, major way. And where was I in that story?"

"What do you mean, where were you? It's a _story_, dude, it's not like it's _real_ or anything. Difference between reality and fantasy, Ethe."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [GoldiTrent and the Three Rangers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/48273) by [NeoVenus22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22)




End file.
